Late Night Thoughts

Late night thoughts once again. Its been three weeks since the start of school ( I guess? ) and things had been really hectic. Having the SpookDEcular event, celebrating Halloween at both the events and USS and Spooktacular at Fort Siloso really boosted my courage a lot. I remembered how I first went for the event last year, and I almost screamed till I lost my voice. This time round, I somehow felt normal, not that scared anymore. Maybe its just the mindset.

Falling sick was maybe the turning point for this whole month. Been feeling fat again these past few weeks at the rate I'm eating. I guess its normal for any attached girl to eat so much because their boyfriend always stuff them with food, but I cant help feeling so guilty at the rate I'm eating. I guess falling sick was a blessing in disguise. I can control my diet and at the same time, stay at home and catch up on the work and studies I had not done these past few days. Feeling emotional these few days and I do not know the exact reason to that too. Maybe its just my perplexed heart, maybe its just me being too paranoid and thinking too much.  Do I want to find out the exact reason on why I'm feeling that way? Will I ever find out? Nonetheless, I'm glad I still have my dearest boyfriend with me, always making me feel assured, feel safe and more secured. I am a really insecure person, and I really do not know how does he tolerate my nonsense, my mood swings, my temper. There may be times when he couldn't tolerate it, but in the end, he's still there for me, and I'm so glad for that. I still believe that it was fate that pulled us together. Having to go through so much before being with you, I'm sure that cherishing you and treasuring this relationship is worth it. Having a past does not matter, as long we learn from it and do not make the same mistakes again. Presently, having you is the best thing that has ever happened. I do not know what the future holds, but I hope you will still be in it.

Life

Another night having difficulties to sleep, another night with full of thoughts. 

So many things have changed since I came to poly, and that includes meeting my dearest current bf. Thinking back about it, all those heartbreaks in the past are just lessons learnt in life to achieve better in the future. Losing and closing the past may mean opening up an opportunity for something better in the future. 

Being so immature from the start of sec 1, to experiencing a lesson in sec 2, and even playing around in sec 3, thinking back on these actions that I had done, are all just parts of what a teenager goes through. Secondary 4 was the biggest lesson I had went through, and that taught me so much more, so much on how some things cannot be forced if it's never meant to be. Doing stupid things, trying so hard even when a part of you knew that giving up was the best choice. -> these lessons were the ones that taught me to be more sensible, that in a relationship, having to fear that he or she will leave you one day is just not part of what a relationship should have. What's meant to be, will be, and that's what I tell myself now. If he's meant to leave, keeping him will just hurt both parties, because maybe you will meet someone more compatible with you in the future. 

All I can do is thank My love for being able to gain the acceptance of my parents, and for being there for me, trying to get rid of my overflowing insecurities. This new feeling of not needing to hide any relationship from my parents is so refreshing, it felt like a big step towards what I always wanted to achieve - freedom. 

Maybe, just maybe, slowly, everyone's growing up, while in some people's perspective, growing old. It's just that sometimes people fail to stop and look around that while they are growing more and more mature, their parents are growing older day by day. 

Thoughts

Its been around 5 months since school first started, and its been like a roller coaster ride for me. When I first started poly life, it felt like a totally different environment compared to secondary school. Not lying, at first I thought my secondary school was kind of screwed up, and that poly life was so much better. But the longer I am in poly, the more I regretted not cherishing my secondary school days. I don't know what to say about it, but many things had been going though my mind - studies, friends, sleep.. Sometimes I did not even know who to trust, who to tell my feelings to. Promises friends made about trusting them seemed so shallow, regards and smiles to me seemed so artificial.Sometimes I tell myself, who will like me and befriend me for who I really am. I'm such a crude woman, not thinking before I utter stuffs, not thinking about other people's feelings before speaking. That's just who I am, I'm always feeling so guilty whenever I hurt someone unintentionally. These few months had taught me plenty, taught me who to trust, taught me how to live life, and I'm glad I met some of the people in poly that I can trust now, that I can be myself when I'm with them, that will support me in whatever I do.


And I thank those that accept me for who I am.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to not only my dearest mum but my grandmother too. It's just days like this when I feel kind of emotional, because even though I get to celebrate Mother's Day with them, how many more years can I get to celebrate with them? 

Throughout this whole 18 years of my life, I'm the one that causes both of them to worry about me the most regardless of whether it's about my studies or how I'm coping with life. ( yeah cause I'm too rebellious and all ) 

Even though you may not seem like the mother who cares the most, I know that almost everything you do is for the family, and for the sake of us having a better life in the future. Remember all the debates we have about who's prettier skinner etc, I always insist that I'm suppose to win you but actually, without you, I wouldn't even be here. Always causing you to be so mad at me every single week is so energy draining for you, but I'm sure you're glad to have a daughter to be ma at ( oh here comes my bhb time ) 

I love you mummy. ;) 

Even though it's not grandparents day or whatsoever, celebrating Mother's Day with you is such a privilege. I still remember every single story you tell me about the past every single time I put in time and sit down with you for chit chats. Having to take care of 6 children by yourself is so.. I remember the story of you telling me about grandpa, about how much you feel like he's the best husband in the world. Even though I've never mrt him before, I felt the love through all the words you said. I really hope to celebrate many more mother's day with you. I love you so so much. 😌

-- 

Happy Mother's Day to the two most beautiful woman in the whole wide world. 

DEFBC'14

Long time since I last did a blogpost, and DEFBC14 camp is worth a blogpost. 

So yeah brief intro about it 

8-10 April 2014 

4 Tribes in total 

•Harbinger

•Nightroad

•Reavers

•Sentinels

( & we collect Marbles ) 

Went to NP with Mabel & her friends on the first day! It was my very first time going to NP by public transport ( only went there once with my family for enrollment ) and I was literally having second thoughts about the camp because I'm socially awkward & I really hate remembering cheers and cheering. 

W/ Lynet from Sentinels! 

And what made me smile genuinely for the first time I was in camp was when my SL took selfies using my phone when I left it there to take some stuffs from my bag! 

I have 6 awesome SL btw. 

Left to right 

Anni, Ange, Chan, Hakim, Joel, Taka. 

Injured my Hand while playing some games with my pandora Eiffel Tower couldn't clap properly on the first day. 

We did dirty games on the first day and YES, it's really really dirty. 

We had corn dumped on our head, noodles and coke on our bodies, flour cream in our pants, but it was worth it and fun because it really made us more closer and bonded and I could feel some of us trying to open up ourselves. 

Yes the yellow thing is corn. 

And my new friend Charmaine from volleyball too! 

We did a subtribe carebear flag too! 

( yes we all deserve an art award ) 

No legit photo of it so had to make do with this. HAHA. ( don't kill me Joel ) 

ANYWAYS, nothing much to complain about the First day ( except for the food ) 

We were so lucky to get to sleep in the loft! Literally like a 3 room flat ( did not take photos cause I only took a video ) with just exactly 6 beds for us 6. 

Glad to have a great bonding session with these girls with all my night craziness , backflips, and exposing of bras HAHA (okcan) 

Had a debrief session with my campmates & my SLs 

Despite not putting in my 100% on the First day of camp, I could feel myself opening up to the others. I swear the feeling of letting people down is such a bad feeling. <- Sorry SLs for not raising my hand on the first night. 

- 

Second day went really well. ( did not take any photos because I kept it all the time ) AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR PHONES. 

•Running Man 

•Games 

•Preparation of our mass HARBINGER performance

- 

Cutting things short. 

From wanting to do a skit of an angry neglected bear dancing and singing to the song of let it go, to ideas of a classroom random skit, to doing the bear dance and sexy dance, I felt that we had gone truthfully a long way to come up with this skit. 

Many may feel that the skit is --> boring, lame, common,

but most of us placed 100% in preparing for this whole skit, remembering our roles, practicing Afew times ( at night while the SL were out *yes we practiced in that short amount of time* ) to remembering the LOVE song, it was truly so heartening to act it out in rl. ( yes we even go to the lil details on how the song will sound like if we shout it out ) 

And it was so difficult to hide it from the SL because it shortened the time of practicing so much. 

L is for the way you look, at us.

O is for the only one, we see. 

V is very very, extra-ordinary.

E is even more than anyone that we adore and 

LOVE is all that we can give, to you. 

Really wanna thank the SLs for putting in 110% in this entire camp to make us feel like a one big family. ( yes you guys succeeded ) Thanks for trusting us that we will do our best on the second day and also for trusting us that we will do our skit well ( for letting us do this whole thing alone to make it a surprise for you guys ) and also believing in us when most of us did not believe in ourselves. 

Truthfully I've never cried in a camp before but after you guys cried when we dragged you guys out in our performance, and when you guys said your dedications to Harbinger, I could not help myself but cry too. ( like a water fountain ) & I'm proud and glad to say that I'm part of Harbinger. 

Having the best SLs was not the only best thing that happened but also having cooperative and crazy campmates. 

From all of us being awkward and abit anti-social the first day, to completing one whole skit and doing cheers alone is such a large leap. The age nor the gender does not make a difference because we are one. Without them cooperating and giving in some ideas for the skit, it would not have succeeded. And also love you guys for the loud crazy cheers we did ( with the SL and also alone ) 

My very first family in NP and YES, they are truly the best. 

Comparing the first &.. The last impressions, the content and length itself says everything. 

Yep these are the last impressions. 

Thanks Ange for the care you gave to all of us. All the efforts put in by you was seen by every single one of us. Seeing you is also like seeing the future me ( yes I wanna go crazy like you ) and also for making us feel like a whole family. The sportsmanship that you shown us really inspired us a whole lot and the speech you made on the first night of debrief really hit me hard and made me feel like doing my best. Thanks for being my SL and I love you! 

Hey Anni! Even though you may not be carebear's SL, but you're Harbinger SL! And both subtribe is a whole family! Even though I did not have a lot of communications with you, I do feel at ease with you and seeing you and Ange cry really made me feel like crying with you guys too because it hit me real hard at the heart. Thanks for the efforts placed and I love you! 

Hi Taka! Yes you probably would not see this because you do not have any social networking sites EXCEPT for whatsapp! But I really wanna thank you for all the funny jokes you made and your crazy china hail king stuffs. ( nopes I'm not the one that wrote you look like china ) 

So continue digging your nose ( yes you should do it in public ) and eating it too EWW. Thanks for the efforts in trying to know all of us and yes we love you! 

Hi Joel ( yes you look dumb who ask u dw to smile ) and just to remind you, YOU OWE ME A FORFEIT and I expect you to do one on one of our outings! And yes you should quit playing taitee because you're honestly bad at it. Thanks for screaming your lungs out with us and you should learn not to be a lag person ( ok just kidding ) Anyways no words can describe how much I'm glad you're my SL and we love you! 

THANKS hakim for accommodating with me in this photo to be shorter than me HAHA and even though I do not communicate with you more than I communicate with the others, I can feel that the efforts you put in for both of us subtribe and the whole of Harbinger was everything, and that's one of the most important thing to put in for camp. We all know that behind all that cool shit and stuff, you're actually a very sentimental person. So thanks for everything and we love you~~ 

Hi Chan! You really really truthfully inspire me a lot because you told me that you were sick just afew days before the camp started! And it wasn't those kinda normal sickness, it was those kind which will make people feel like just sleeping in the whole day! Seeing how much you really wanted to be there for everyone and you trying to put everything you have into this camp was really inspiring and motivating! Thanks and yeah we do love you too! 

-abruptly ending this post-

Not 

Thanks to the crews too( nopes I have no pictures ) because without you guys stealing flags and shaking marbles it would've been less fun. Without you guys insisting that we cheer louder, we would not have cheered as loudly as we did and also, you guys are partially why we improved. ( yep we wanna prove to everyone that Harbinger and our SLs are the best to us ) 

And also thanks to everyone else and those behind the scenes in making this whole camp successful. 

-ok really ending this post alr- 

Bye

Appreciation•Random

Went out with my super duper friendly coursemate last Thursday! Decided to meetup with her before school starts yay oh yay. Headed over to Bugis for lunch. 

Since bugis street's food was not open yet, we headed to Astons at Bugis+! 

Aston's still forever one of my fav restaurants to go because they have cheap nice and filling food. 

Headed over to Orchard afterwards and we 'camped' at OC due to the rain. 

And also got laptop stickers from Scape! 

And also had my virgintry of Chocolate Origin's Cake with Icecream argh craving for it right now again. 

And it's only $5 for awesome food! 

Headed over to Mines cafe on sat with my usual fav group of people. It's like a cafe ( duh ) with countless of board games card games for you to choose from to play. 

We paid like only $11 for two hours of games there with a drink of your choice! 

Located opposite The Cathay. 

Headed over to eat saizeriya for dinner. 

Guess what, again it's one of the most cheapest and affordable restaurants with good food! 

With like totally no GST & Service charge, besides ordering like maybe a main dish, you can get free flow of drinks for only $2.80 

Etc Milo Soft drinks tea Sjora! 

Only $2 for this garlic bread. 

$5.90 for this plate of spaghetti! Awesome stuff right there. 

Can anyone guess what's this? One of their signature dishes, Escargots! Don't get turned off by the word of it because it's seriously nice! 

Anyways, finished reading a book recently, read it only because many ppl were like talking about it and saying how awesome it was ( yeah I'm someone who's influenced easily ) 

It's actually a story about a girl who have cancer & is always at the terminal stage, not knowing when will she go. She met a guy and then yeah. ( love story but not typical ) She thought that the guy was healthy ( after amputating his leg because of cancer too ) 

* Spoiler * 

The guy died. 

And damn did the book make me cry 4 times. 

Everyday there are people going like ' damn I hate my life can I just die ' etc, not thinking that there are So much more people who would rather be in their shoes, healthy and still getting the chance to live like a normal person. 

Depression, self harming, anorexia, bulimia. 

Some people even had beautiful healthy bodies, but destroyed themselves and not appreciate what they have. 

And what led to that? The journey to try to seek perfection. 

Being depressed because you saw a girl on the streets prettier than you, feeling fat because you look fat wearing every single thing, self harming because you thought that it's the only way to distress. 

No one can ever be perfect behind those walls, and it's normal to be imperfect, because everyone are. 

Really really recommend this book. Those that like reading ( and do not like reading too ) just get this book because it's seriously so touching. 

Anyways I was working on Sunday and my best friend came to surprise me with this! 

Cheryl : Actually I came here today because I got a gift for you. 

Me : huh? 

-Cheryl produces a pandora box- 

& yes I started screaming ( inwardly ) and I was like.. Stunned for a super duper long time! 

She knew that the Eiffel Tower was difficult to find in SG anymore so she got this from US instead of the Volleyball charm but hey no matter what she gives to me ( or don't ) , even her presence itself makes me feel so at ease. 

Really glad to have a friend that knows me more than I know myself ( yes she can point out every single flaw I have if I ask for it ). 

Love you shortie! 

Goodbye! 

House•Smiles•Work

Been having lots of stuff coming up recently. 

Headed to view furnitures with my parents on SAT because I was looking for hidden wall beds ( cause my future room will be ultra small even though my house ain't that small ) 

Building in progress. 

& still building in progress.. 

Already at the 21st floor though, built our apartment which is the 18th floor! 

If anyone's wondering what flat it is, it's actually an executive condo at CCK. 

Some Lil history. 

--> 

We had a condo called Palm Gardens at CCK if anyone of you heard of it got Afew years back for like around 7 years. 

My parents decided to sell it though ( idk why ) and I've been living in my grandma's house @ telok blangah ( Tiong bahru mrt station ) for around 4 years. Though it's really convenient ( near town etc & only 10 mins bus ride to vivo ), we've been searching for new apartments for like maybe a year or more? 

Went to so many showrooms and we ended up wanting to move back to CCK again, only now more convenient ( 7 mins walk to Lot1 ) 

The only thing I'm looking forward to is that my future room will be connected to the toilet! Really essential for me because I'm scared of the dark, and if the toilet's really far, I will usually run to the toilet & back. 

Anyways the condo's TOP date is actually next year but most likely able to get the key this year end already! ( opens champagne & starts dancing around frantically ) because I've been waiting for it to even start building for years. 

Recently started work again because yessss I'm a spendthrift and I'm officially broke. Plus I wanna save some money before poly starts! 

And guess what, a Brunei guy not only purchased $100 worth of stuff, but also gave me a tip of $50! ( WHAT? ) 

Plus he even asked the little girl with him to give me a goodbye hug ( awwww ) 

I told the girl to enjoy herself & the guy went like ' she's enjoying but I'm not haha in need to check my credit card at the end of the month! ' 

I doubt so actually. Sometimes seeing the smiles of your own flesh and blood is just the only thing needed to make him/her smile too. No amount of money is worth more than the smile plastered on his daughter's face. 

Anyways, with the $50, I treated my girl icecream ( she came to surprise me @ work but failed ) 

Gelateria Italia's actually one of my fav icecream shops because it offers Bailey's flavour, plus it's also soooo nice. ( nicer than salted caramel's bailey icecream TBH ) 

& also used the remaining money to treat my bro to Ichiban Boshi! 

Headed to Pandora @ Great World City after Ichiban Boshi & my mum bought 2 charms for me for my bierhday ( which is in May HAHAHA ) 

Forest trinity & a white flower glass charm. 

Wanted to get this but oh well ( they just launched this ) 

So I have 6 charms now! 

( got my bracelet w/ 3 charms because my aunt ordered it from US for my early birthday present! ) ($71 for the green facet glass charm) & ($50 for the hearts one) 

Got the vintage mirror ($71) officially no money. 

Forest trinity- the one with the leave•dove•pendant ($88) 

Daisy White charm ($53) 

Many people don't really like green charms but Ohwell, green's my fav colour! Plus doesn't green have a calming effect on you since it's the colour of nature? 

Went back to work again on the 18th, with Elaine coming to find me & my girl successfully scaring me. 

Blessed because damn it I did not tell anyone my fav koi drink but here she is presenting me my fav drink. ( yes it's icecream milk tea ) 

Sorry for the hideous and ugly photo but I think my eye's infected. Really red & there's a white visible patch at the edge of the pupils of my eye. 

Hurts with just purely blinking ( was not like that when I woke this morning ) 

Bye! ( almost dropped my phone on my face )