Vulnerable

Sometimes I hate being so vulnerable, & afraid that I will repeat my mistakes over and over again. 

Accidentally showing how vulnerable I was to my mum after putting on a strong front for years made me realize that no matter how much I want to be independent, at times when I'm helpless, I can't. 

I literally had mind-blowing cramps and I swear it was the worst I had ever felt. Was on the verge of fainting in the bathroom and I literally curled up on the sofa and cried out loudly. Even after they left home for lunch I continued curling up in a little ball and cry, then forced myself to fall asleep to forget the pain. I only remembered experiencing severe cramps when I was in school, and I cried only because I was also having gastric and stomach ache at the same time. But I swear this pain I felt alone was worst than what I had ever felt.  Little actions from my mum such as giving me panadols & feeding me( because I could not even hold a cup without dropping it ) & showing how concerned she was made me realize how lucky I actually am. Imagine if I was all alone, curling up in a little ball with no help at all is actually depressing. My parents are not those kind of parents which outwardly show how much they care about me, especially my mum, but I'm glad to know the fact that no matter what happens, my family will still be there for me. 

Sidetracking abit, my dad was more worried than me about my O's because he seriously thought I would do very badly. Not much faith in me but relieved at the same time that at least he cared.

I know I actually look fine here but the fact is that I did not even comb my hair because at first I did not have the strength to ( yes that was how painful it was ) and after I got back my strength I was just too lazy. 

New book to read. Wanted to buy a fiction book instead ( like those whole set kinda thing )  but this caught my eye so.. 

Goodbye! 

Food Feast.

Another Saturday out with the favourites just that I was on depression mode when my girl and nic was not free/sick.. Okay. 

So actually we wanted to head to sing @ Junction 10 but it was freaking full, and Chevrons was totally out of the question because most of them were wearing Bermudas and flipflops so..

Bused to Upper Thomson Road for food feast! 

Long bus ride because we had to change buses and walk a lot, and I was wearing wedges. 

Ate at some roti prata house with awesome food with acceptable prices. ( I love Bandung ) 

They had awesome pratas, especially their cheese prata which had cheese ozzing out in your mouth when you chewed on it. 

Headed to some tofu shop and had ' Tofu Fries ' with soya bean milk. ( I love soya bean milk too ) 

Tofu fries was something different instead of the usual fries and it's like.. Those kind of heavenly crispy tofu on the outside and soft on the inside kind of thing! 

And lastly we headed to Salted Caramel to eat icecream! Shared with my brother two scoops of icecream; Baileys & Chocolate liquor kind of thing. I swear Upper Thomson road have all the nice food there! 

Never intended to eat but in the end I ate so much( although I felt guilty after that ) 

And then to my most Favourite event. Bused to Mount Faber Safra to pool, although I suck at pool. ( even though I keep playing it ) 

Look so ugly and zombish but I look so happy here. 

Ending off with a photo with me and my bro! 

Goodbye! 

Freedom

Had a little chat with my cousin that brought back so much memories to me. How the slightest bit of freedom was not even given to me. 

In the past, reaching home at 8 was off limits for me. Having countless of quarrels every single week, it's mostly due to me going home late. What was not understood by my mum was that my school's around an hour plus journey back home, and plus school usually end late. On days without CCA, I was demanded to reach home by 5, when school ends at 335. Awesome. 

Negotiated and I even had a written contract ( with both of our signatures ) on what time I must be home EVERY SINGLE DAY, like example, home by 7.30pm on Tuesdays. Imagined how suffocated I felt, and how much I yearned for freedom. I even had a rule which was ridiculous. I only could go out like once a month. ( outings etc ), so having like maybe 2 friends birthday falling on the same month, I had to only choose one of them to celebrate with them. 

Things like this ruined relationships between me and my mum. Having these kind of restrictions also caused me to not be able to hang out with friends after school. ( lucky these stopped when I came to the mid of sec 4 going to sec 5 ). Even Cheryl had to head down to tiong barhu to study for O's with me because my mum would not let me head far away to study. No one believed me when I told them I had no freedom at all in the past, seeing how much freedom I have now. 

Sometimes parents think that that's the best thing for us, but in actual fact, these little concerns to them, are actually the main factors in causing us to be really depressed. 

Breaking this barrier of doubt my mum had on me was the hardest thing I could've done, but also the best thing. Communicating with my mum now does not end up in quarrels like how it always did. Being able to confide in her in some things and sometimes even talking about the future was something I had never ever expected to happen. ( but it did ) 

Introducing her to my friends and assuring her I'm not out with bad company was one of the main factors of her being able to put her trust on me. ( she never ever objects to me going out with Cheryl ). 

At the end of the day, sometimes one may think that what their parents are doing are trying to ruin their life( which in some truth, it is ), but in actual fact, everything they do is actually for the sake of you, and one of the forms of them showing their care and love for you. 

Negotiate, Give in, Embrace it. 

Sorry can't help but melt when I see my parents holding hands. 

I look really weird & it's a 2 months ago throwback photo so.. But yeah. 

Goodbye! 

Food & food.

Another random post coming up so if you're not interested in my daily life... Don't read this. HAHA. 

Headed to Ichiban Boshi @ TAKA with my mum for lunch. 

Inari potato. 

Yellow submarine.

I forgot what it's called.

Salmon hand roll. 

And all of them were only at $2.40 for each plate! ( without GST counted in ) 

Headed to Far East to do my nails and for my mum too since I did not buy any valentines gift for her! Had a long bus ride of like.. 2 hours back to JE to meet my Favourite people for Iceskating! 

Had the 7.30pm session since Cheryl was only free by then. Been a long time since we skate, but I rarely skated and just slowly glide around talking to them about life. Waste of $17.50 but...... 

Pretty much sums up how much we enjoyed yesterday's session though! 

Disclaimer : I'm very lousy @ Iceskating even though I skate like countless of times because I'm always slacking and not learning new skills. HAHA. 

Anyways..... 

Pool today @ mount Faber safra which sums up my time for the day. 

Goodbye! 

FoodIcecreamMovie

Had a date with my Favourite girl @ town today & we had our lunch @ our Favourite restaurant called Saveur. 

Awesome atmosphere, literally a place for friends, family and even couples to dine in comfortably. ( there's a long freaking queue at night though ) 

So this is my girl & her duck confetti. Never fail to order that every single time we come. At a reasonable price of only $15 after GST blablabla. 

Head to cine because my girl had cravings for icecream. We were damn fascinated by how they created the icecream through liquid Nitrogen and some syrup thing. When they handed us the icecream there was still smoke coming out of the cup! 

Only $3.50 for a scoop.

And again, the most annoying girl on earth had the feel to watch a movie, so we landed with Robocop since Lego movie only had front seatings. 

Don't really understand why the ratings for it is so low though, I find it really interesting even though some parts may be confusing. May be gorish @ certain small parts( which made me laugh ) but other then that, it was a really touching movie that displayed family and friend love. 

New Armcandy @ scape for only $5. 

They allow 5 letters for $5 and from thereon additional $1 for each letter. Really pretty though, and my name just nice have 5 letters! ( jumps for joy ) 

Most likely meeting my Favourite girl lateron again! Goodbye! 

Anyways, to share the joy and all, I'm most likely able to move into cck at the end of this year! Really inconvenient compared to now but.. It's a step closer to everyone I love! 

Blur but yes I'm lazy to transfer the photo over and iPhone 4 have really lousy camera quality! So yeah.. 

Goodbye! 

' and sometimes the pain felt like a million knife stabbing into me but in reality, I'm fine on the outside. ' 

Perspective

Because life is so short, but we are always trying to be someone we are not. 

The thing is that, are we trying to be someone we are not, or trying to change for the better? 

It just goes back to everyone's own perspective again. Having someone telling you that you eat like a wild boar, walk like an ungraceful person, does it make you fume with anger? Have you ever wondered whether comments and criticism from people are ways of trying  to ask you to change for the better, or not accepting you for who you are? 

Truthfully, I'm the one that goes like ' fuck off if you don't accept me the way I am ' because I'm someone that hates people telling me this and that, how I'm not acting like an actual woman, and sometimes even bringing in comparisons. 

Comments like ' look at how feminine she is , you're nothing like her ' . 

Comparing me with someone else usually makes me real mad, but the fact is that, even though I try to act impassive, deep down I'm always wondering why am I not good enough. 

And that, made me feel like changing although Sometimes changing may not be a bad choice after all. 

Anyways, I've been having questions on which school I'm going to and the course.

Got enrolled in NP's Hotel & Leisure Facilities Management. 

Goodbye! 

New blog New post

New blog New post because 

1 - My previous blog name was too weird.

2 - I have so many retarded posts like Afew years back.

3 - Most of my photos in that blog was deleted ( those donkey year ago posts )

4 - I just feel like it. 

Wanted to make a new blog at the start of the year and go like ' New Year new blog ' but I was too lazy. 

Anyways, met up with Elaine and my girl after I came back from genting for lunch. Love getting sushi for my sushi cravings from either Ichiban Boshi or Itacho sushi. 

Headed to watch Vegas to Macau with my girl after that ( literally had to drag her because she really was against that show ) 

Blablabla skip dumb parts we headed to sentosa after buying snacks from daiso and ended up playing our Favourite insider game. 

So a note to my girl. 

Sometimes the first time is just luck, second time is just coincidence, but the third time, is really fate. 

You know what I mean. 

And even up till now, I can proudly say I'm still glad to have her. 

Went to bainian at my grandfather's house and headed out for dinner. 

On a side note, really pray hard that my girl's appeal is a success. 

2014's a new start, keeping the rocky memories of 2013 deep in my heart but never ever repeating the same mistakes again. Thanks for those who were by my side throughout those rocky moments and for making me to who I am right now, and for making me a better person. 

2013 was a bad start because 2012 was kind of screwed up, but I'm seriously glad 2014 started well. I did not truly deserve those who stayed by my side through those hardships because I did not set my priority right, so I'm truly glad. Thanks. 

Goodbye!